Sometimes, there can be too much of a good thing. This is definitely true when it comes to wedding planning. While some help from family and friends is great, it becomes overwhelming when one person decides to designate herself as the unofficial wedding planner. Find out what to do when your sister tries to hijack your wedding.
The first step is to think about why your sister has decided to take over your big day. Does she see that you are swamped with work or school and she is trying to ease your burden? Does she know that you are struggling to get everything organized, or that you tend to have a hard time making choices? When your sister is trying to do you a favor, the key to getting her to back off is reassurance. Let her know how grateful you are for her help so far, and that you feel like she has gotten your planning off to such a great start that you can take it the rest of the way. Of course, if it is true that you have no time or agonize over every choice, maybe you could benefit from having some sisterly help, just on your own terms. The way to handle this is to let your sister know that you will be grateful if she can help you shop for unique bridesmaid jewelry or source the perfect table linens. She will feel useful, and you will be able to take back the reins.
Not every sister’s motivation is quite so pure. A lot of times, an older sister just thinks that she knows more than her baby sister about everything, and feels like it is her duty to be in charge. This is a sister who needs to be informed that you are all grown up now (you’ re old enough to get married, for goodness sake!), and that you can handle it. Sometimes sisters also don’t trust the taste of the other one, and feel like taking over the wedding planning is the only way to make sure that everything is done “right”. This is a sibling who needs to be delicately informed that while your tastes are different, your wedding will nonetheless be beautiful. She needs to understand that your dream wedding does not have to look like her idea of the perfect event. If that means your bridesmaids wear eclectic dresses and unique bridal jewelry when she thinks that pink satin and pearls are the only way to go, she will just have to live with it.
The green eyed monster is often the cause of an overbearing sister. It could be that she is jealous of your upcoming nuptials, and taking over the planning is her way of dealing with it. Knowing this, your best bet is to involve your sister as much as you can in the little decisions, while quietly making all the big decisions without her input. She might also be worried about losing you to your husband, in which case, plenty of alone time together is important. Don’t make it all about the wedding, since that will only reinforce the idea that your lives are taking two different paths. Go out to lunch, go shoe shopping, take in a movie, or whatever else you used to do together before you became engaged.
Finally, no matter how much your sister is driving you crazy, try to maintain some perspective. In the end, you and your fiance will be the ones to make the choices for your own wedding, not her. There is nothing wrong with simply politely saying that you will consider her point, and then doing whatever you feel is best. And try to avoid fighting with her about your wedding; after all, the wedding planning period is only a very short time in your lifelong sisterhood.
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